For some reason lately, today especially, I have been feeling as though time is moving much quicker than usual. I found myself checking on Max as he was napping and almost burst into tears. The crib is no longer taking him over, he is taking over the crib. My heart broke a little as I realized my baby isn't a baby anymore, he is a toddler. A happy, exuberant, silly, total tease, fun loving toddler. Time just seems to escape me these days, I try so hard to hold on to each moment; relish in every laugh, giggle, snuggle, smile, yet time just seems to go quicker.
Once I had Max, I felt like time turned into double time. I don't know about you, but I sometimes wish I could slow it all down for a minute year. And then, some days I can't wait until bed time to have some peace and quiet. But today is a day I wish I could have just paused...forever. Not for any particular reason, just because today, I realized how quickly he is growing, how I am not ready for him to be a toddler, and not a baby; but more importantly I realized how grateful I am for this very moment. I can't imagine him going to school, using full sentences, or getting his drivers license, yet I know before a blink of an eye it will be here, and that just freaks me out.
I guess I just find it hard to believe that I have a toddler, and time doesn't stand still, no matter how badly I want it to, it just goes faster and faster. Don't get me wrong, I love to watch Max grow, and every day I love to see him taking in the world. It's truly an incredible experience to watch a child in their innocence. And I am in love with being a mother, a job I wouldn't trade for the world. Every mistake, every choice in my life brought me here, and I am so grateful! Yet, sometimes I find myself experiencing every emotion under the sun, all at once. And I ask myself, why, just why do our babies have to grow up so quickly?!
As I finish typing this, I find myself in tears, not because I am sad or happy, just because, I have a baby toddler who I love more than the world, and I wish I could hold on to this moment forever. Here is a photo I took of him today, so now, I can hold on to this moment forever.
xoxo
